Connection. As human beings, it is fundamental to our existence and yet, in this day and age, more and more people are struggling to forge healthy and meaningful connections.
Why? I think we’ve become accustomed to ‘staying in our lane’, head buried in our phones, rushing with nowhere to rush to. All distractions from what truly matters.
Perhaps if we simply opened our eyes to the world around us, opened ourselves up to new opportunities, and lived in the moment, we would see how, as social animals, we are wired for connection, making relationships crucial to our wellbeing, happiness, and overall survival.
Even the simplest of acts, such as smiling at someone walking down the street or saying hello to a stranger on the bus, can make someone’s day; which in itself is reflective of how we have become so deprived of connection as a whole, that the smallest of interactions or gestures give us a boost.
As a 30-year-old singleton in Cork who has recently gotten her spark back after years of struggling with self-confidence and failed situationships, let me tell you — being present, learning to be comfortable in your skin, and pushing yourself outside your comfort zone is where it’s at.
And rocking up to a singles run club at the Marina Market earlier this month was just that — completely out of my depth.
Not only was it my first singles event but it was also my first time attending a run club — a double whammy for someone who gets anxious about trying new things.
But the more I thought about it, I realised — what better way to meet someone like-minded?
We’ve all decided to try something different, we’ve all hopped out of bed early on a Saturday morning to go for a 5km run, and we’re all seeking that all-important connection.
The first of its kind held in Cork, the singles run was hosted by Your Friend, My Friend, a company set up by Dublin-based couple Samantha and Eoin Keating.
Think meeting someone naturally, without having to work out whether someone is single or not — that part is done for you, you’ll be glad to know.
The rules are: those who are single wear black and those who are taken wear colour — a sure way to suss out who in the group you can approach and strike up conversation with.
Sixty singles donning their black running outfits showed up to the meeting point at NoSin at the Marina Market, before a sea of black could be seen running down the marina, after first stopping up for a quick warm-up and mingling session at Marina Park.
The run itself was at a nice conversational pace, something a slower runner like myself was very appreciative of. My training sessions for the 10km at this year’s Cork City Marathon were a sight for sore eyes, to say the very least. Not the sort of thing that would attract any potential partner.
Something that had stopped me from attending these sorts of run club events in the past had been the fear of being too slow but this relaxed run had no expectations attached to it; people ran, jogged, walked — whatever they were comfortable with.
After the run, it was back at the market where everyone got a complimentary NoSin smoothie bowl or smoothie. I loved this aspect as it meant people stuck around and mingled.
It was the perfect way for people to get to know one another and share contact details and, looking around at everyone sitting at tables together, sharing stories, you would never have guessed that most showed up to the event alone.
After the event, organisers Sam and Eoin send an email with a link where you have the option to enter a person’s name whom you would like to continue to get to know.
That person then receives an email with your details and, if they’re interested, it’s up to them to reach out.
This allows you to follow up with someone, if they too are interested, and also gives everyone that added layer of comfort.
And that’s something that makes Your Friend, My Friend stand out — Sam and Eoin’s genuine interest in fostering connections, whether it’s forging romantic relationships or nurturing friendships, all while building a vibrant community.
Speaking to Sam, it’s obvious that she is passionate about people making genuine connections and is in tune with the distractions of day-to-day life, such as social media and dating apps — something she has found people becoming more and more frustrated with.
As someone who has tried and failed at dating apps, I share her sentiment. Apps can dehumanise their users as just a profile that is often hidden behind a paywall.
“For some reason, people are OK with ghosting you or cancelling at the last minute, or people just tend to be much more flaky on apps.
“But when you meet somebody in person, you immediately connect with them and they’re a human being, and you’re not going to just ghost them because you’ve already had that initial connection with them,” she says.
“When people are on apps, they can spend weeks, sometimes, texting and, especially women, we build guys up in our head to be something that they might not be, and then when we meet them, immediately you can feel the vibe and think, ‘This isn’t my person.’ And so it’s deflating, because you spend so long doing that kind of dance back and forth. When you meet people in person, you just immediately know.”
And with the number of people in their 30s with ‘still figuring it out’ set as the answer to their relationship goal on dating apps, it’s no wonder that more and more people are turning to in-person events to meet the right people.
Not only does Your Friend, My Friend aim to combat loneliness and forge connections through hosting singles run clubs but also through speed-dating events, singles socials, wine tastings, weekend getaways, and, most recently, a wedding for singles.
You know that exciting feeling when you’re single at a wedding and you realise the cutie giving you eyes from across the room is also single? Well, imagine that — but everyone in the room is single.
The singles wedding party, the first of its kind, was held in collaboration with Fallon & Byrne in Dublin this week, featuring a fake bride and groom, a comedian delivering the best man’s speech, a bouquet toss, a magician, a DJ, a feast from Fallon & Byrne, and 120 singles.
So, is it time we ditch the apps and go in search of making in-person connections? If you ask me, the popularity of these social clubs and events says it all. Going back to basics by creating authentic, real connections is the way forward for modern-day dating.
